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Interspace grudge match
Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 12:52 pm
welcome on and all to the first battle of the new battle of the ages thread the old one was getting nowhere fast so i've upped the anty a bunch it now fetures two was comentary with me Aka James and my girlfriend Aka Sam as we debate the finer issuses of a inter universal match.
The First fight begins
SG-1 VS the DEATH STAR!!
Suddenly the darkened room lit up with blue energy as SG-1 emerged from the gate
carter exmines the room to discover their not where there supposted to be.
after examining the strange 1970s style console carter hacks in and begins to find out where they are.
At that moment a squad of stormtroopers burst in, after a witty banter by colonel O'neil they attempt to arrest SG-1
SG-1 is Onboard the death star and its headed for Earth! can they save the day AGAIN?
well sam i think the winner of this is obvuous we have 1970s evil low rate villians up agaisnt 1990s good guys. the winner is obviously SG-1 how could it go any other way? I mean whos gonnas save the storm troopers darth vader? he couldn't take SG-1 he'd never find them carter would blow the reactor and they'd be home in an hour.
SAM: I think you forget James that the Death star is BIG it makes a gould mothership look PUNY, they'd wander around run out of ammo and get blasted to peices by stormtroopers. and darth vader could sense them twith the force so he would cut them down to size!
STORM TROOPER? are you kidding they couldn't hit the broad side of a barn much less a top US army team, PLUS they NEVER run out of Ammo they have infinte rounds TM. and Darth Vader can't sense ppl with the force and the storm tropers couldn't find Han and luke in a cargo ship so how on earth would they find SG-1?
you forget that stormtrooper CAN capture the caraters and we've all seen how easily SG-1 is captured so before Carter got through explaining how it was a three day walk to the reactor core they would be in a detention cell.
BUT first of all all the stormtrooppers managed to capture was leia so that doesn't count and SECOND they don't have to go to the reactor core they could just drop bombs down one of the covienantly located bottomleess pits.
SAM: Say what you will infinte stormtroopers up against four people even the worst shots in history get lucky sometimes, sg1 is up against HUGE odds
SO thats that who wins its up to YOU
Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 12:06 pm
Hmmmm I like both Star Wars and SG-1 so this will be hard to decide. The only way for SG-1 to destroy the Death Star when it’s fully loaded with personnel is to be able to sneak around.
I only see two ways for that to be possible.
1: SG-1 would need those Soadan personal cloaking devices.
2: SG-1 would have to be in storm trooper armor to sneak past the troops.
Either way it’s quite unlikely that they would win (though SG-1 has a knack of winning the unwinable).
In all....who knows
Posted: Sat Feb 10, 2007 4:33 pm
Sg1 on a daily base owns the gou'old, jaffa own storm trooper. Most likey they sneak around and wouldn't be detected. Plant some c4 at death star reactor core and boom. *insert witty banter by colonel O'neil*
Unless vader showed up, then well O'neil would have to kill vader. Then O'neil would have to pull some super plan out of his but. Mabey pull vaders pants down then shoot him in head. Most likely vader would chop O'neil trowser snake off and the be in of it. Unless O'neil has force power or no wait that danial jackson. Jakson become new vader, wipes out sg1 and kill the empore and rapes leia. The end.
Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 3:58 pm
okay its been a while but i'm making a new match
It's just past midnight in the industrial section of Los Angeles. The sounds of a window being shattered roll across the mostly empty streets, adding a burglar alarm to the several car alarms already going off. Steam rises from a manhole cover as Ensign Jackson, Ensign Johnson, and Ensign Smith walk down a dark alleyway. A cat scurries away from them, momentarily masking an eerie humming noise coming from behind them. Ensign Jackson turns to stare directly into a hovercraft full of stormtroopers!! "Monochromes!" The others turn, but it's too late for Ensign Johnson, who takes a laser shot right in the chest. Ensign Smith gets one in the leg but is O.K. They dive behind some garbage cans (which guard them from the laser fire) and fire back. After one stormtrooper is wounded, they drive off, considering their drive-by shooting a success. But it's only the beginning...`
as they drive along trooper TBA-296 suddenly is hit in the chest by a staff blast. the hovercraft races off after shooting two of the Jaafa
its the beginning of an all of turf war between the 'reds' the 'monochromes' and the 'grays' so who will win this battle of cannon fodder? who knows. remember no backup from any main characters is allowed.
James: This is a difficult one to call, Sam. After all, neither of these expendable gang members ever lasts more than a few moments before being killed. However, I'm going to have to say that the Stormtroopers are going to win this one (with heavy losses of course). There are a few resaons for this. First of all, the stormtroopers are always killed by the rebels. Against Wookies, Jedis and smugglers, who wouldn't lose? The bad guys always lose. However, the "Reds" are good guys, and they STILL get killed. Pathetic. as for the Jaafa there are never enough of them in one place to do any damage to the Stormtrooper hordes, they're always in easily dispatchable groups of five or six. if it wasn't for this fact then the day would be theirs
thats just one reason. Second, look at all the motivation in their lives: if they screw up, Vader is right there to punish them (we're not talkin 'bout no wimpy caning here, either!). They also spend all day on the dreary Death Star, which as far as I can tell, doesn't even have any women on it -- therefore they have projected all of their built-up sexual tension into rage. Stand back!
Sam: James your so far off on so many levels i don't know where to begin.
first of all the Jaaa are also 'good guys' in the later episodes and they are certainly not as pathetic, as for the ensigns they might be even more sexually uptight because they are constantly surrounded by women but can't touch them (because Kirk has downs on all of 'em). The Stormtroopers don't have the constant temptations, so they won't be as stressed. i'll give you that the Jaafa lack that since most of them are married, but the ensigns have way more to deal with then them. besides how do you know there arn't women stormtroopers?
Stormtroopers may look impressive in that armor, but it's all a facade. The armor (as you mentioned) does no good. its ugly and pointless. the Jaafa armor however is ACTAULLY shown to be effictive. the ensigns suits might actually help them since they're more maneuverble.The Ensigns, long ago accepting their fragile state, shed any armor and donned the polyester outfits that are good enough for Kirk (and look how he scored). The Stormtroopers are living in denial, something that will only hurt them in this fight. and the Jaafa came clearly be seen in several episodes in large hundred man formations.
Now that I have successfully shot down all of your arguments, CONSIDER THIS: Yes, Ensigns die very easily. But it's always in the first 5 minutes of the program! After that they become indestructable!! This first casualty (in the opening scene) will be the only one for the Ensigns. The Stormtroopers and Jaafa, as demonstrated in several movies and many episodes, are capable of dying throughout. thats a major killing blow for the other two sides.
Let's just say, for the sake of argument, that the only reason the Ensigns die in the first 5 minutes is because that is the only time that they are around. Let's say Ensigns die as easily as Stormtroopers and jaafa. How many different ways can a trooper kill an Ensign? Laser blast, neck snap, blow to the head with a blunt object, strangled with symbiote and that's about it. The thing about Ensigns is that no two of them can die the same way. If one is shot with a laser, then another must be turned to minerals, while the next has the salt sucked out of him, while the next is asphyxiated by a mysterious alien cloud, while the next is stoned to death by hostile natives, and so on (ad nauseum). The Stormtroopers can't do that!They could kill 3, maybe 5 TOPS!! Jaafa might be able to take out ten with there advanced torture training but still! Stormtroopers, who fall easily enough to amateurish Jedi laser blasts, will be as lemmings over the cliff as they approach the vaporizing death of the phasers. Ensigns rule the city by dawn.
James:I thought you talked too much in person, but this is ridiculous. What is this, a novel? It's supposed to be commentary, not ranting & raving. Anyway, you need to brush up on your Star Trek facts. Two counterexamples: 1) In at least two cases ("death by exploding rocks," "death by crystallization"), the deaths occurred well into the episode (at least 15 min, maybe more). 2) In the "death by silicon creature" (AKA "Moving Shag Rug with Pizza Stains") episode, several ensigns died in the same manner. Therefore, by the power vested in me by the State of Maine, I declare your points null and void. and if the Jaafa can actually manage to ATTACK with the huge masses of troops they gather they would win easily but they never do, they just plan then lose to SG-1 before the attack can begin. also i forgot to mention the all important coolness factor. the ensigns have tacky 70's skin-tight polyester shirts. Their phasers look like toys. Boy, are they cool. NOT!
the stormtroopers have bright shiny armor and real blaster guns, they're pretty cool. the Jaafa have battle scarred armor that turns into snake heads and awsome staff weapons. they are the coolest. i'm going to have to change my vote to Jaafa here.
Sam:Sigh. Why is it that when someone is intellectually whipped they resort to insults and half-truths. Really, James, you're sounding more like Richard Gephardt every day. First of all, your "counterexamples" to the 5-minute rule only help me: I'll admit the Ensigns don't become indestructable, but they definitely get stronger throughout the program. Your exceptions only prove the rule. Second, why don't YOU get your Star Trek facts straight!! In "The Devil in the Dark" (the episode you so vaguely refer to) the silicon-based creature in question (which, by the way, is called a "Horta") lays waste to several miners on the mining planet in which it lives - NOT ENSIGNS! One Ensign, of course, is killed as required. (Side note: Space miners, along with Stormtroopers, Jaafa, Ensigns, SG-2 thru 12, and mayflies, are the most easily killed beings in the known universe.)
well its up to you! who would win?
Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 9:48 pm
I thought that this was a "someone vs someone" debate, not some stargate fanfiction.