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Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 1:30 pm
by garek
Three women die together in an car wreck and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't hurt or bother the Canadian Geese!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are Canadian geese all over the place! It is almost impossible not to step on a goose, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a Canadian goose is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman accidentally bumps a Canadian goose and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is Very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on or bothering any Canadian geese, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, muscular, and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I working out at the heavenly gym and one of the weights came loose and landed on a goose!"

Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 1:56 pm
by Dr_Breen
lol i love the

enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME".


Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 10:24 am
by carcher
i did mention having a vote, at the end of the month for the best joke but i don't think we need to!
i can't see jonboys tech support being equaled let alone bettered!
Jonboy i take off my flat cap to you

Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 3:10 pm
by jonboylondon
One day, a man walked into a bar. He say's to the bartender, "If I
show you the most amazing thing in your life, will you give me
five free beers?"

The bartender says, "Show me this amazing thing first."

So the man takes out a 10 inch man and a tiny piano.

The 10 inch man starts playing the piano. The bartender scratches
his head and says, "Wow, that is amazing. Here are your five
beers. How did you do that?"

"There is a magic lamp outside. Rub it and a genie comes out and
will grant you one wish."

So the bartender goes outside, finds the lamp, and rubs it. Then
the genie comes out and says "I am the genie of this lamp. I will
grant one wish. Choose carefully."

"I want 10,000,000 bucks." As soon as he made his wish, 10,000,000
ducks came out of nowhere.

The bartender goes back into the bar.

"Boy" he says to the man, "that genie sure does have bad hearing."

The man answers: "I know, did you really think I asked for a 10
inch pianist?"

:P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P

Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 3:12 pm
by stardust
:lol: i NEVER get tired of that one :)

Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 3:31 pm
by jonboylondon
John had just won first prize at a cat show and had received a
10-day cruise to the Puerto Rico. The catch was, though, pets
weren't allowed on the cruise. So John decided to leave his cat
with his best friend, Al.

Al agreed to come over to John's house and live with his mom for
the duration of the cruise. John told Al, "Just feed the cat three
meals a day, and take good care of him. He's my prize-winning
cat!" And with that, he left.

The next day, John phoned Al on his cell phone and asked, "How are
things?" To which Al responded, "Things are fine."

"How's Mom?"

"Mom's fine."

"How's the cat?"

"The cat's fine." Satisfied, John hung up.

Next day, John called Al again, asking the same questions.

"How are things?"

"Things are fine."

"How's Mom?"

"Mom's fine."

"How's the cat?"

"The cat's DEAD."

"WHAT?!?" John was quite distressed. "How could you let it die?
It was my prize cat!"

"Well, John, I'm sorry, but I couldn't do anything, I didn't see
it. But what I think happened was that the cat was on the roof,
fell off, and broke his leg. Then, he hobbled out into the road,
and got run over."

John was cooling down a bit now, and said, "Well, couldn't you
have tried to break it to me over time? You could have said it
bit by bit. For example, you could have first said 'The cat's on
the roof', then the next day said 'The cat fell off the roof, and
broke its leg', see what I'm saying."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. See you later, John."

"Ok... bye." John hung up.

The next day, John phoned Al again.

"How are things?"

"Things are fine."

"How's Mom?"

"Umh," Al said, "Mom's on the roof."

8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O

Re: Jokes

Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2013 7:45 pm
by Dr_Breen
Q: How many Betazoids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to sit there and moan "Darkness. I sense darkness."

Q: How many Gorn does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but it takes tons of lightbulbs!

Q: How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000"

Q: How mnay Tammarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. "Darmok, cast into darkness; Temba, his arms wide; bring forth the sun!"

Q: How many Borg does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. light bulbs are irrelevant!

Q: How many 8472 does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they just screw in a Borg skull

...keep going. Ideas: SF engineers, Klingons, Romulans, Cardassians, Bajorans, Prophets, SF Doctors, Hirogen,...